Translating Experience to Resume

Crafting a resume that truly reflects your skills and achievements can feel daunting, especially when writer’s block strikes.

But don’t worry! In this post, we’ll explore two simple yet powerful strategies to help you break through the mental roadblocks and turn your day-to-day tasks and accomplishments into polished, professional resume language.

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Maybe the most common question I've received over the last 15 years of career coaching is, how do I translate my experience onto my resume? Two strategies for you. One, a lot of times we get in our own heads and we get writer's block when going to write a resume. So get out of the computer screen, close the apps, and instead imagine that you're speaking with a friend or a career coach, and they're just asking you, hey, talk about your day to day. What do you really do? What are some things you accomplished? Or you can even look at your calendar for the last couple of months and let those events, those deadlines that you've put on there remind you of what you've done. You can use a voice memo recorder or dictate and then from there we can polish that up into resume language and jargon. Second strategy, just look at the job descriptions for the roles that you're targeting. Let their language remind you of what you've done and then align your language to match that.

Hope that these strategies help you get your writer's block away.

Tech Boundaries

Have you ever left an interview only to realize you forgot to mention a standout experience or skill that could have highlighted your qualifications? Don’t worry—it happens to the best of us! Often, our minds process and recall information more clearly once the pressure is off.

But what do you do when this happens? In this blog, we’ll dive into a quick and easy strategy you can use. This approach not only highlights your qualifications but also demonstrates your ability to reflect and take initiative. Ready to make that follow-up count? Let’s break it down!

Youtube Short

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What do you do if you're interviewing for a job and you think of an answer or an experience of yours after the interview that could actually better showcase your skills and qualifications for that role? So of course you don't want to do this after every round of an interview, but sometimes this does happen because our brains are much more capable of having that creative problem solving and thinking when they're not under stress. So if it happens to you a few minutes or hours after an interview where you think of a better example, and especially if it's not reflected in your resume or application materials, here's what you do. When you send your thank you email, start by thanking them for their time and for sharing more about the role. Then say, as I reflected further on, your question regarding ABC, it reminded me of an example I failed to share with you. You give one to two sentences about that that demonstrates your fit for the role or your school skills or qualifications and that's it. Then you wrap up with your enthusiasm and looking forward to next steps. Hope this helps you!

Adding an Answer After an Interview

It’s happened to the best of us: You’re walking out of an interview or reflecting on it hours later when suddenly, a better answer or example comes to mind—one that could have showcased your skills and qualifications even more effectively. While this can be frustrating, there’s a professional and strategic way to handle it.

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What do you do if you're interviewing for a job and you think of an answer or an experience of yours after the interview that could actually better showcase your skills and qualifications for that role? So of course you don't want to do this after every round of an interview, but sometimes this does happen because our brains are much more capable of having that creative problem solving and thinking when they're not under stress. So if it happens to you a few minutes or hours after an interview where you think of a better example, and especially if it's not reflected in your resume or application materials, here's what you do:

When you send your thank you email, start by thanking them for their time and for sharing more about the role. Then say, as I reflected further on, your question regarding ABC, it reminded me of an example I failed to share with you. You give one to two sentences about that that demonstrates your fit for the role or your school skills or qualifications and that's it. Then you wrap up with your enthusiasm and looking forward to next steps. Hope this helps you!

Answering a Multi-Part Interview Question

Job interviews can be stressful, especially when you’re asked a question that feels like two or three questions rolled into one. These complex, multi-part questions are particularly challenging because they require you to process and remember multiple pieces of information—all while managing the pressure of the interview setting.

But don’t worry—there’s a way to handle these tricky questions with confidence and clarity.

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Have you ever been in a job interview where you're asked a question, but it's really like two to three questions in one? Those are very, very challenging for us to remember. first of all, because it's a lot of information, but second of all, when we're typically a little bit more nervous or stressed in an interview, our cognitive resources are a little bit more offline. It's harder to kind of track everything because our bodies are in that fight, flight, freeze mode.

So two strategies, one is do as much as you can to manage your stress prior to an interview, but two, here's what you can do. Or if you just really don't know what you're gonna answer for that question, you can also use this strategy one-off as needed. So you can ask them to repeat the question, and it's totally fine to take notes and write it down, whether you're in person or virtually. And then as you're writing it down, your brain's going to start to think of the examples, and a lot of people are scared to ask for that question to be repeated, but it is very much okay.

Interviewing Mind Blank

Interviews can be nerve-wracking, and one of the most dreaded moments is when you’re asked a question, and your mind goes completely blank. Sound familiar? Don’t worry—you’re not alone. It’s a common fear, but with the right approach, you can navigate this scenario with confidence and poise.

Here’s a simple yet effective strategy to handle those moments:

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What do you do if you're interviewing and you get asked a question and your mind goes completely blank? It's pretty much everyone's worst fear in the job search process, but I have a tool for you to keep in your back pocket. Now, part of what we can do to mitigate the risk of this happening is to prep as much as possible. So definitely check out my other tips and strategies for interview prep. But if the worst case happens, here's what you can do. Acknowledge the question. So look the person in the eye and say, thank you for that question. Let me think about that for just one moment. As you say that you can break eye contact and look away, which takes a little bit of the pressure off and then your brain is going to start to have some space to come up with your answer. So it's going to feel those three seconds or five seconds that you look away and think is going to feel like three hours to you, but it's much better than stumbling and mumbling your way through an incoherent answer.

Happiness Savoring Strategy

Happiness isn’t just about big milestones or grand achievements—it often lies in the small, everyday moments. One way to tap into this daily joy is through the practice of savoring.

As part of The Science of Happiness program at Yale, Laurie Santos explores this concept in a video that’s free and accessible to all. In this Youtube short, you’ll find a quick breakdown of how savoring can enhance your happiness:

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Here is your happiness assignment: Explore your relationship with savoring. Now, I'm going to link to a video that Lauri Santos delivers as part of her The Science of Happiness program at Yale. Highly recommend it. It's free and accessible to all, but this little thing can really permeate all areas of your life, and it's a practice that you can cultivate. And some people are natural savorers. So if you think about something that is a little pleasure in your day, so maybe that warm cup of coffee, first thing in the morning? What's one thing that you can think about that's pleasurable in your day to day? And, really be mindful and attuned to any sensations that go on in that moment. So that's the process of savoring. And the science shows that this can extend those feelings of joy, of contentment and influence our happiness.

Embracing the Cringe: A Job Search Strategy That Works

When it comes to job searching and interview prep, there’s one strategy that can make a world of difference: focusing on the cringe. This approach helps candidates tackle their insecurities and turn perceived weaknesses into strengths.

As a Career Coach, I’ve found this method invaluable for my clients. Watch this Youtube Short to hear my tips on embracing the cringe.

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One strategy that I help my career coaching clients with when they're job searching and doing interview prep is to focus on the cringe. Now, if you're applying for a position where you're having to level up or you're pushing yourself a little bit outside of your comfort zone and growing into the role, sometimes when you read through the position description, you think, I don't really have that experience. I hope they don't ask me about this. And for many of us, we use an avoidance strategy. We think, I really hope they don't ask this, so I'm not going to even think about it. Now, go through the job description, look at any of those things where you think they could notice that you're not bringing as much to the table as someone else, and practice out loud and over-prepare for those questions. Best case scenario, they don't end up asking about it, but if you just avoid it, it's still likely that it's gonna come up, and the more you prepare and walk through that with a coach or yourself, the less cringy it'll be when you deliver your answer.

Career Change Story

Career changes can be daunting, but they also present exciting opportunities for growth and fulfillment. In this blog post and Youtube Short, we dive into an inspiring career change story that showcases the power of adaptability and perseverance. Whether you’re contemplating a career shift or simply looking for motivation, this story offers valuable insights into navigating the complexities of changing professional paths.

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I finally listened to that nagging feeling that had been weighing on me for a number of months. It was my junior year of college at Villanova. I had done pretty much all the requirements for my elementary education concentration but I had realized that I didn't want to be a teacher anymore and there was a lot of grief and a lot of anxiety around having spent all that time, money, and energy pursuing something and then changing my mind. I finally got up the guts to tell my parents and then I got up the guts to go to Career Services and work with a coach to figure out what I wanted to do but here's the plot twist!

I was pretty pissed after I left my first session with a career coach because I went in expecting and hoping that if I told them what I brought to the table they would just tell me what to do with my life but I came back around. I worked with a coach and through that relationship I learned what my values, interest, personality, and skills really were and what I wanted my work to mean to me. And, through that I discovered the path that I'm still on today over 15 years in.

So, if you have this sinking feeling in your gut and you just know there's a disconnect between what you're doing and where you'd rather be spending your time and energy and maybe you don't know what the thing is but you know it's not this here's your sign your nudge to listen to that to lean into that fear and give yourself that time and attention to figure out what will feel more aligned for you.

Combat Imposter Syndrome

Impostor syndrome is a common experience where individuals feel like frauds despite their accomplishments. This can often undermine confidence, stifle career growth, and create unnecessary stress. Understanding and overcoming impostor syndrome is crucial for both personal wellbeing and professional success. Watch this Youtube Short to help you navigate and conquer these feelings.

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Use this tip to help bolster your confidence in any organization that you might be in or if you're stepping into a new role and feeling a little bit of impostor syndrome. This can also be really helpful if you are job searching. So I call it the happy face folder. Anytime you have had good feedback from a performance review maybe you've gotten a kind comment from a client, customer, or colleague save these things and put them into a folder in your email that's literally just a happy face. Anytime that you start to feel that self-doubt, you might be in a growth edge where you're working on something you're not as skilled at, check out your happy face folder. Especially when you're job searching and you're not hearing back from organizations or maybe you didn't get selected this can be the thing to give you that little nudge and Pat on your back to remind you you have a lot to offer

Walk Me Through Your Resume

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Walk me through your resume. If you ever get asked that in an interview or a networking conversation don't answer it! Literally, what happens is it ends up being a mini life story and filled with a lot of information that doesn't actually pertain to the conversation at hand. So, the question within the question that the other person's really trying to get at is: tell me what I need to know about you, your background, and your experience that matters for this conversation at hand that shows you’re a good fit for this job opportunity. If you keep that in mind and use that to frame your answer and what you highlight about your background it's going to be a much more effective answer.

The Best Interview Preparation

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What's the best way to go about prepping for a job interview and knowing what questions you're going to get asked? Start with the job description. So many of my clients before we work together when they're called for interviews they start by Googling frequently asked interview questions or common interview questions and while that's not a bad practice it's not the best way to go about it. You have all the clues in the job description to know what the organization is curious about so take that and dissect it and turn everything from the duties to the qualifications and skills into questions.

So, for example if they talk about a need for project management skills they're probably going to ask a question like: tell me about a time when you managed a project. You can also use Chat GPT or one of your favorite AI tools plug it in and say act as a hiring manager and create a sample list of questions pertinent to this role. From there, you can then start to zoom out and look at those frequently asked questions like tell me about yourself but this is going to be much more effective.

Surprising Job Search Mindset Tool

Job search resilience refers to the ability to remain positive, motivated, and persistent despite the challenges you might face during the job search process. Watch this video to learn a tip that can help build job search resilience.

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I want to share one of the most creative things I have heard when it comes to thinking about job search resilience. So I was speaking at a conference and my co-panelist shared that she had been laid off from a job and every morning before she got started with her applications and her networking, she would watch a commencement speech.

Now that was not the thing that I was expecting to hear. And she shared that a lot of times in those speeches, people are talking about really hard times in their lives, how they persevered, and then usually they're pretty successful people. So I thought this was so thoughtful, so creative, so out of the box, and a great way to think about taking care of your mindset and your mental health when going through something that can be pretty challenging for many people.

So I hope that this tool is supportive for you, whether you've been laid off or not, to help you have another tool in the toolkit for taking good care of yourself.

Salary Negotiation

Have you had the desire to negotiate your salary but you’re not sure how your employer will react? Turns out salary negotiation is common and even expected from the majority of employers. Explore compelling reasons why negotiating your salary is helpful for your career success.

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Did you know that about 70% of organizations expect candidates to negotiate after they're given a job offer? Yet only about 50% of people actually do that negotiation. Now there's a lot of factors at hand, and I do want you to know, if you're excited about and happy about the offer, then you don't have to feel pressure to negotiate.

That being said, a lot of times we just get anxious, and I notice that my clients just get nervous that an offer will be rescinded, and that is what prevents them from negotiating. There are many different ways to approach this conversation in a respectful and grounded way, to advocate in the facts and the data that you do deserve more without offending an organization or the employer at hand.

If this is something you're interested in learning more about, I'm happy to connect. But even just knowing that many people put an offer out there expecting you to ask for more can be the nudge that a lot of people need.

Facing Farewell: Resources for End-of-Life Care and Grief

This is a post I wish I never had the knowledge to be able to write…

When my mother went to the Emergency Room in September of 2019, she was diagnosed with Stage IV non-smokers lung cancer and told she had months to live.

I gleaned many lessons and resources over the next two years of her decline, subsequent death, and while navigating the “after” and grieving process.

I’m publishing this on the 2-year anniversary of her death and am called to briefly share about her before getting into the resources.

Patricia Hayes Axtmayer was one of the kindest humans to walk the earth. She was a nurse, Red Cross Volunteer, blood and platelet donor, mom, mentor, grandmother, sister, lover of libraries, dog rescuer, half marathoner, and the woman who dedicated her days to making other people happy. She lived her 70 years in service to making the world better, even donating her body to medical school for research as a final act of selflessness.

I like to think that her legacy of helping others lives on through my words today, in sharing tools to support others through this incredibly challenging and inevitable part of life.

Whether you’re witnessing someone aging, caring for a person with a terminal illness or at the end of their life, or are in the throes of grieving the death of a loved one, there is something for you in the words to come.

No matter what, I hope you know that you are not alone.

Anticipatory Grief

I didn’t really know about this concept before my mom was given a terminal diagnosis. The nutshell definition is: “the distress a person may feel in the days, months or even years before the death of a loved one or other impending loss.”

This article goes more in depth into what anticipatory grief is, how it may feel, and more, as the term transcends the conversation around death and can relate to other potential losses and big changes in life as well.

Recently, it became clear that this feeling hits home for many when a tweet stating “We don’t talk enough about the anticipatory grief of watching your parents age” went viral.

An important note is that there is conflicting data around whether experiencing anticipatory grief can help soften the blow later. I can speak from my own experience to say that it didn’t – and I was surprised and unprepared for that reality.

We were told mom had months to live, but through clinical trials and different chemotherapy regimens, she made it two years. I wrote the bulk of my mother’s eulogy and obituary while she was still alive. We spoke together about death, a future without her in this physical world, and I pre-picked the favors for her memorial mass during what ended up being her final days of life (the favors turned out to be a charming tribute to her love of gardening).

My Type A personality may have subconsciously thought that I could project manage my grief…

While I’m grateful I was able to do these things before (anything that lightens your administrative and cognitive load during those initial weeks of grieving is a huge help), it did nothing to lessen the devastation when she died.

I share this not to be the bearer of doom-and-gloom but because I think it’s important to have realistic expectations - you can prepare all you want but it’s likely you will never be fully ready for what it feels like to experience the loss. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, it’s just the nature of what comes with something this monumental.

There is a formula that comes from Buddhist tradition that relates well to this:

I was frustrated by the depth of pain I felt because her death was expected. That resistance made my suffering worse. Perhaps with an awareness of this concept, you’ll be less likely to resist your pain even though accepting it is incredibly hard as well.

Palliative Care

This is another term many people aren’t familiar with and/or don’t know of as a potential resource.

Here is a good synopsis provided by Cleveland Clinic:

“Palliative care provides symptom relief, comfort and support to people living with serious illnesses like heart disease, cancer or chronic respiratory disease. Its benefits extend to caretakers, too. If you’re living with a life-altering illness, palliative care may be available to improve your health and overall well-being.”

The article goes on to describe different aspects of palliative care including populations that can benefit (anyone with an incurable medical condition of any age/stage), who provides it, and the breadth of support it’s designed to provide.

The hospital my mom received cancer care from had a palliative care division, but I found we really had to advocate to tap into their resources. I won’t go into the politics than can exist between various providers in the healthcare system, and I’m sure it plays out differently depending on where you are/what the medical situation is, but at some larger institutions the left hand may not know what the right is doing.

So, it’s important to know about and that you can ask for this kind of support!

An example of how this can look: my mom often had many side effects from her chemo treatments and we could only cover so much in a short appointment with the oncologist. Working with the palliative team, we could spend more time talking through all areas of my mom’s life, her goals, and how to best support her both physically and mentally (for example in addition to medications they made a referral to the social work team).

The best time to tap into palliative resources is as soon as you can, as it’s designed to accompany you in navigating everything from the financial to emotional components to symptom management.

In fact, “patients who receive palliative care early in their disease course may live longer than if they did not receive palliative care, or received it later in the disease course.” JAMA.

Also, “Recent clinical trials examining the effects of early integration of specialty palliative care show marked improvement in patient satisfaction, mood, quality of life, health care utilization, and overall survival. For example, patients who received early in-home palliative care services in addition to usual care had fewer emergency department visits, hospital admissions, and lower medical costs.” https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5730447/

My absolute favorite expert on all things palliative medicine is Dr Sunita Puri – her book That Good Night: Life and Medicine in the Eleventh Hour is an exceptional read and really examines the ways the medical system can relieve suffering and become more comfortable with end of life discussions.

I read her book while my mom was alive, and it helped me learn more about how the system should address suffering and whole-person care, which empowered me to advocate for her through the last years of her life.

If you’d like to get a taste of this concept, here is Dr Puri talking about what I hope will be the norm in medicine to help patients and families avoid unnecessary suffering and examine quality of life over quantity of time alive.

My mom had the “gift of the gab” and always asked her providers to share how THEY were doing. Here we’re speaking with her palliative medicine doctor to explore additional symptom support

Hospice: Inpatient vs. Home Care

Some people confuse palliative care and hospice care – these are distinct and if you’re new to end of life conversations, it’s important to clarify what hospice is:

“Like palliative care, hospice provides comprehensive comfort care as well as support for the family, but, in hospice, attempts to cure the person's illness are stopped. Hospice is provided for a person with a terminal illness whose doctor believes he or she has six months or less to live if the illness runs its natural course.”

For example, when my mom was working with the palliative care team, she was still receiving chemotherapy. When it stopped working, she stopped infusions and transitioned fully to hospice care. The oncology team told her she would have 1-2 months left, and she died 29 days later.

Here are some resources that cover the FAQ’s about hospice care, including different types of options for where to receive it, insurance coverage, and more:

• https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/frequently-asked-questions-about-hospice-care

• https://www.cancer.org/cancer/end-of-life-care/hospice-care/who-provides-hospice-care.html

The great debate for many people is whether to receive inpatient care or to do home hospice care.

It’s a huge question with lots to consider, and much easier to talk through when it’s a hypothetical. Most people end up being in a position to choose when it’s time sensitive because who wants to think about dying?! More on that soon…

We did home hospice, and a few things I think are important to share:

• It does NOT include around the clock care – the primary caretaker/family/friends are responsible for the care which can include symptom management, medication management, lifting the person in/out of bed or wheelchair, helping the person to the bathroom / changing diapers, managing procurement of and refilling supplies.

• Typically, a hospice nurse comes to provide home visits at a certain cadence depending on the medical details. Our experience was a once/week visit with lovely, kind, and caring nurses. The provider rotated between 3 or so nurses. There are options to pay for private care to get additional care, and some insurance may have benefits to help with the financial side of that, but it’s another logistic to manage.

• It was incredibly hard, even with the shifts spread across us 4 children and a few dear family friends. It was also a privilege to care for her, and beyond special to know my mom was where she wanted to be for the end of her life - feeling the good energy and surroundings of a place she lived for 40 years. 

Death Doula

This is yet another resource that’s not as well known – perhaps more than all of the others mentioned here so far!

Only a few years ago I had NO idea this was a profession. These beautiful souls focus on helping a dying person and their loved ones before, during and after death.

“An end-of-life doula provides emotional and physical support, education about the dying process, preparation for what’s to come and guidance while you’re grieving.” https://health.clevelandclinic.org/death-doula/

Other terms can be death midwife, end of life doula, end of life coach, or death coach.

I found a local death doula and we met with her once… we thought we had more time, but my mom died only 3 days after our conversation with her.

We sat together on the porch, one of my mom’s favorite places, sipping tea and talking about life. Their conversation went into some philosophical places, and my sister and I saw a reflective side of my mom through witnessing this exchange. My sister even used part of their conversation in her eulogy, and we’re forever grateful that my mom was able to feel supported through this offering.

Here is an example of a well-known death doula, and she has a directory of other providers on her website as well.

Legacy Work

Something that can be done with or without death doulas is legacy work.

This can take many forms and people can either be heavily involved or not much involved depending on the project.

I love this description from Penn Medicine: “A challenging diagnosis often leads people to think about their legacy, what and who they will eventually leave behind. People often think of their financial situation, but almost always, there is the shift to our relationships. We think about what people mean to us, what we want to share with them, what we hope for them.

Unfortunately, all too often, these thoughts stay thoughts and aren’t actually put into motion or shared. “Legacy work” is the process of transforming these thoughts into action. It’s the act of sitting down and taking time to purposefully create something for the people you love and care about. It is a way to capture life stories, lessons, sentiments, memories, and traditions. Legacies can convey what we want remaining and future generations to know and understand about our life experiences. They help us to remember and heal as we carry on important traditions.”

That link goes into many examples of what this can look like – which includes capturing family recipes, stories, photos, and voices. This doesn’t have to be something you wait to do until end of life or a terminal diagnosis, and Storyworth is one example of a platform designed to capture stories in a longitudinal way.

If that quote I shared above about aging parents resonated with you, you can explore this for yourself now! Here are more prompts: https://www.legacyproject.org/activities/lifestory.html

I shared my mom’s original prognosis in a new mom Facebook group and asked for ideas to keep her memory alive for my daughter since she was only 3 months old. I was met with such compassion, kindness, and many actionable ideas (which is impressive since mom Facebook groups have a pretty bad reputation!).

One that stood out: “if there’s any habits she has - try to save those! Example: my mom always called and sang me happy birthday. I would give anything to have that recorded somewhere. My birthday has been the hardest part of losing her for that reason.”

Weirdly enough, I had a voicemail saved from 2017 where my mom sang happy birthday to me and left one of her epic signature long-winded ramble-y messages. I listen to it often and it’s quite the balm on harder days.

Resources:

This is already 4 pages long in MS Word so I better cut myself off soon! Additional resources:

Grief… I could do an entire post on this topic alone, but there are experts out there for that. I’ll share a few things that I found helpful.

A friend, whose sister had died a few years prior, sent me this reddit post. The wave analogy and the reminder that grief is also love was comforting, especially in the initial stage of feeling overcome and weighed down by the intensity of it all.

The ball and box analogy for grief can be a supportive framework for how your feelings may evolve over time. That same friend sent me this podcast episode called “Grateful for Grief” between Anderson Cooper and Stephen Colbert which had me reaching for the tissues.

These are some ways to care for your mind/body through the demands of caretaking and grieving (I personally have used all of these and credit these modalities as being critical to surviving the trauma of it all):

• EMDR Therapy- specific modality for working through trauma. This website has a directory for finding practitioners.

• Acupuncture – game changer! I worked with Heather at Wander Well Acupuncture here in MA when trying to conceive all the way through to today for general support. You name it, acupuncture can help address it.

• Therapy – I was a new mom, partner, friend, sister, daughter, caretaker, business owner, coach, and wellness speaker (and then in the midst of it all, COVID happened!). I needed a place to be able to fall apart. In managing and holding space for others most of each day, this was a sacred place to just be a mess and feel supported by someone else.

• https://endwellproject.org/ - their talks and resources are impressive. I’ve found the recordings of talks especially inspirational. From them: “End Well has become the most widely known and respected organization at the intersection of popular culture and healthcare with a focus on end of life, grief, loss, caregiving, and associated health and welfare challenges.” They have a “fresh perspective and commitment to infusing wonder, joy and hope into these conversations while also tackling the tough stuff.”

• Family Medical Leave Act in the USA (additional info here): There are eligibility requirements and different policies depending on where you live, but it’s important to know about potential options for leave from your employer if you’re a caretaker. I recently did a wellness workshop on burnout and a participant shared that after the session she realized she was fried and needed to get more support as she cared for her father. She was able to use the policy to go part-time in her work, and is markedly less stressed in managing competing demands and able to be more present with her father. Here are 5 things employers get wrong about caregivers at work. The more we share our struggles, ask for resources and policies, and normalize the human experience, the more likely we can ignite greater change.

Books:

• A Beginner's Guide to the End: Practical Advice for Living Life and Facing Death by BJ Miller and Shoshanna Berger. This is a must read for all humans, whether you have a chronic illness, are near end of life, or a regular ol’ 40 year old. It’s a phenomenal resource for ALL parts of preparing for the inevitable end – literally all of the things, from getting affairs in order to what to expect of the mind and the body in its final stages of life.

• Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande. Another exceptional read (and dovetails nicely with the book mentioned above by Dr Sunita Puri). My dearest friend has used this as a framework for navigating proactive conversations with her family members to know what everyone’s wishes are in (the hopefully very distant) end.

Grief focused books:

• Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman. This is my absolute favorite for myself and that I’ve purchased it for others. If you cringed at the meditation part, it’s not actually meditation. Each calendar page has a quote and a short note that usually strikes a comforting/validating chord.  

• Full disclaimer- I only partially read these two books that were recommended to me. I tried to read them before my mom died and again in the very initial month or so after, and my grief brain fog didn’t allow much to sink in. It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine and also Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief: A Revolutionary Approach to Understanding and Healing the Impact of Loss by Claire Bidwell Smith (she also runs grief programs/workshops).

Wrap it up, Aileen!

Death is fascinating in that it’s one of the only things that every human has in common – one of the only guarantees – yet one of the most avoided topics.

I hope that if you’re reading this, you and your loved ones are far away from needing the information… and perhaps this can inspire you to have the hard but important conversations when the stakes aren’t as high.

I know that most likely, you’ve read this far for other reasons. My heart is with yours and I’ll share what Susan David says as a reminder of the duality of life: “Life's beauty is inseparable from its fragility.” 

Wishing you and yours many more days of beauty and comfort ahead.

Thank you, Mom, for continuing to help others breathe easier. Love you more than the world.

Feeling the jet lag together in Ireland, one of her favorite places in the world, in 2010

The Greatest Lessons I’ve Learned as an Entrepreneur

I’ve officially been a woman-owned small business owner for 7 years!

Here are 7 lessons from 7 years of my entrepreneurship journey to help YOU in your work and wellbeing.

1) Celebrate your wins… and save proof!

Life is too short and there is always more to achieve. If you don’t acknowledge what you’ve done to get where you are, you’re never going to feel fulfilled.

Save those happy emails and any data of those wins… and take pictures when possible. The photo below is from February 2016 commemorating the first time I received payment for my own business. 😊

One way to integrate this into your regular workday? Start your weekly team meeting by asking everyone to share one win. It builds connection, community, and helps retrain your brain to start to look for the positive.

2) It’s okay, and beneficial, to cringe.

There are MANY things I did when I started that I cringe at now. It reminds me of when I found the resume that I submitted when I first applied be a career coach in 2007 … I had an interests section that listed “the internet” #eldermillenial

We all started somewhere and were novices at some point. If you look back and cringe, it’s a good sign of all the skill development and expertise you’ve gained along the way.

3) Be kind to yourself

Most of us have a feed running in our minds filled with negative self-talk. In a world that pretends perfection is attainable, let’s dispel that myth and honor that we’re human and to be human is to make mistakes.

There are over 2000 studies on the power of self-compassion for improved wellbeing and professional development.

Life is hard enough - have your own back.

4) Ask for help

Oooooo… growth edge anyone? <<raising my own hand>>

My thanks to my best friends and family for being my unofficial board members at the start of my business. This isn’t new advice for most, but my invitation is to explore how much you’re implementing this on a regular basis in your personal and/or professional life.

5) Zoom out

You've likely heard me preach about doing career wellness check-ins. I said I never wanted to have my own business. My interests and values shifted, and I've changed my professional life to align with those shifts.
 
You're not the same person at 43 that you were at 23. Give yourself space to see what you want your work to mean and how it is or isn't aligned.

6) You can have too much of a good thing

It’s less talked about, but you can absolutely burn out from doing what you love.

How can you create boundaries to not let work take over?

7) Live your life

We’re human beings not human doings. You can work hard AND have hard boundaries about when it’s time to rest. When you learn how much happens when we sleep, it becomes clear how productive rest is and how critical a component it is to achieving.

Often, we don't take this to heart until life puts it in perspective for us...
 
Take the vacation. Close the laptop when you’re fried and just mouse-moving. There will always be more unread emails.

Be okay leaving things on the to-do-list and reconnecting to things on your who I want to-be list.

Cheers to 7 years, and to you celebrating yourself more!

3 Lessons from Ted Lasso to Help Your Job Search

I’ve already confessed my love for Ted Lasso in my 5 Lasso Lessons to use to create a healthier work culture article.

With Season 3 (finally!!!) being officially teased as “coming soon” – what better way to celebrate than to discuss how this show can bring lightness to an often-heavy thing – the job search process.

Okay… one better way to celebrate would be to rewatch Seasons 1 and 2… this will be here when you’re done 😊

With significant layoffs happening lately, this topic is even more important to discuss.

Here are 3 Lessons from Ted Lasso for Job Seekers

1. Be curious

Photo credit https://tenor.com/view/ted-lasso-tedlassogifs-be-curious-jason-sudeikis-dont-judge-gif-21044956

If you watched the show, you’ll remember one of the best scenes from the series (in my opinion!) being when Ted beat Rupert in darts in front of the entire pub. Here’s a refresher, or a little sneak peek if you’ve never watched.

Random fun fact: I played a LOT of darts when I went to college at Villanova University and was actually fairly decent. RIP Maloney’s Pub!

This mindset can be very helpful when you’re interviewing for a new job. It’s easy to get distracted by the excitement of moving forward after applying and to forget that you’re interviewing the organization too!  

One way to stand out from fellow interviewees is to think strategically about what to say when asked “What questions do you have for us?”

Here’s where being curious comes in.

If you’re interested in and excited about the role, then you’re likely starting to envision and think about the realities of what it might be like to actually:

…do that job

…be a part of that organization

…work with the people interviewing you.

Asking questions about the details of those things will absolutely make you stand out from your competition and show that you’re invested in this opportunity. An example of what this could look like:

“I noticed in the news recently the announcement of a future partnership with XYZ Company. I’m curious to know how that partnership might impact this team, and the scope of work for this role in particular?”

A related note: If you’re genuinely interested in the organization and the job, this is much easier to do.   😊

2. Culture clues are all around

Pulling on this curiosity thread, if you keep your eyes open, there are often clues on company culture all around.

Ted Lasso treats every member of the AFC Richmond organization the same – from executives to the MVPs to kit man Nate. While that’s the norm for a person of his character, it’s clear that when he takes over as head coach that this way of treating others is not the norm. In Season 1 Nate is absolutely shocked when Ted is talking to him, remembering his name, and including him in any decision-making.

Photo credit https://www.getyarn.io/yarn-clip/e5d9a5d2-cdbd-414e-b64e-d27365c88e52/gif

That was a clue for Ted to see what the former leadership was like. For anyone at AFC Richmond wondering how this new coach would influence the team culture, it was clear from the start that outdated hierarchical dynamics would not be a part of the new system and that everyone had value and something to contribute.  

Many clients come to me looking to leave a toxic work environment – but a common theme? They know they want to make a change, but they’re terrified that they may end up somewhere just as bad or worse.

While we can never be 100% sure about what it will be like at a particular employer until we’re employees, there are a number of ways we can try to collect culture clues.

Here are some strategies:

• Look at feedback and company reviews on Glassdoor: I do think of this as being analogous to Yelp reviews for restaurants – you need to have these be only one piece of the puzzle I’ve looked up my favorite restaurants on Yelp and been shocked to see some of the poor reviews – everyone has their own unique experience 😊 That being said, if there are tons of reviews saying there is a toxic work culture, that’s important data to consider.

• Ask questions in your interviews – other than the basic “can you tell me about the company culture” – to keep collecting clues. I approve of the sample questions included in this article with 6 ways to figure out a company’s culture, and the other tips they share are great as well.

• You can also use the interview process, particularly the types of questions you get asked, to reverse engineer and see if they’re pointing to any red flags. If every interview round has multiple questions about how well you handle challenges, lack of information and clear direction, and conflict… take note! Write down the questions you’re asked right after finishing each interview so you can zoom out and look for these themes before accepting an offer. Also, if you arrive early for any in-person interviews, use that time to be a fly on the wall and see what you might observe about employee dynamics.

• Is there high turnover? You can ask how long the person who held the role you’re interviewing for was in it, but you can also do an advanced search on LinkedIn and see if the organization is churning out people. Lastly, I love these 9 “sneaky” ways to keep assessing culture.

One last point on this Lasso lesson: you can also use this idea to your benefit when onboarding at a new organization. Look to learn from everyone, not just those in leadership or roles more senior to yours!

For example, if someone technically “below” you in an organizational chart has been there for 10 years already, they have a lot of institutional knowledge. This is one of the hardest things to learn when starting somewhere new, and something that can contribute to your ability to hit the ground running.

Everyone has something valuable to contribute.  

3. Be a goldfish*

When Sam is beating himself up after a play, Ted shares that the happiest animal in the world is a goldfish because they have a 10 second memory. He then encourages Sam to be a goldfish and it’s perfectly awkwardly received.

Photo from https://tenor.com/view/ted-lasso-tedlassogifs-jason-sudeikis-goldfish-be-a-goldfish-gif-20788379

I put an * on this lesson because there is some nuance to it.

If you’re applying to jobs with a thoughtful job search strategy and aren’t hearing back or never making it to final rounds of interviews, channeling your inner goldfish can help you not take any radio silence or rejection from employers personally.

However, it’s important to not completely goldfish this scenario: if you’re never moving forward in your process, look for the message that might be under the surface.

• Is there room to articulate your background better to connect the dots for employers?

• Can you make your resume stronger?

• How do you deal with answering negative interview questions?

Once you’ve assessed whether there is anything to learn, let goldfish mentality come in to avoid past “losses” impacting your future performance.

It’s much easier said than done, especially if you were a part of layoffs as that can take a toll on your confidence, but fostering job search resilience is key to being able to employ this strategy. 

Surrounding yourself with a community of people that treat you with kindness and cheer you on, when you’re winning or losing, is always a sound strategy in life. If you don’t have your own Lasso-like coach to be a part of that community, feel free to book a complimentary consultation with this coach instead 😊

Happy job hunting, and don’t forget to BELIEVE!

Photo from https://tenor.com/view/ted-lasso-believe-gif-18590055

How to Job Search When You’re Feeling Burned Out

The calendar starts fresh.

There is a lot of that “New Year, New You” vernacular out there and a wiry energy abounds… but we all know that the holiday season is not exactly recharging for most adults (I’m especially looking at you, parents of young kids!).

With all the talk of creating new habits and setting goals, you may wonder how anyone manages when you’re just trying to stay afloat.

If that sentiment resonates for you, you may be burnt out.

Some other traditional warning signs of burnout, as per the OG psychologist on the matter, Herbert Freudenberger, are:

• Depersonalization

• Decreased sense of accomplishment

• Emotional exhaustion

Whether you’re burned out or “simply” experiencing the stress that comes with being in a job you don’t want to be in anymore, energy is a finite resource either way.

So, what do you do with this Catch-22:

You need energy to look for a new job, but your current job is taking your energy?

Four tips for job searching when you’re feeling burnt out:

1. commit to calming your nervous system

   It may sound counterintuitive, but I recommend starting by NOT going all in on job boards and applications. This is how approximately 99% of my clients begin their search before we work together 😊 This approach can easily become a time suck – here’s how it often plays out:

   You sit down in front of your computer thinking, “Okay here we go, job search time!” and then three hours and 30 open browser tabs later you are left questioning what you’ve accomplished. Maybe you started with clicking a link for an open position, which led you to look up the company on LinkedIn, which led you to click on an employee profile to learn more, which brought you to another company page, which…. you get the point. Long story short: before you know it, lots of time and energy have been expended... both of which you typically don’t have an excess of if you’re burnt out.  

   Start, instead, by becoming militant about your stress management.

   This doesn’t mean you need to spend all day everyday meditating. What I mean is, take the step of discovering (or simply recognizing) which activities help you feel like your best self. I’m talking your tried-and-true go-to stress reducing strategies – the things you either already do (or could integrate more), and commit to prioritizing them even when adding a job search to your plate.

   Are you feeling so far down the burnout cycle that you don’t even know what helps you feel better?

   I’m obsessed with the book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. These are their 6 evidence-based strategies to turn OFF your stress cycle and turn ON your rest and repair mode. The good news? They’re all simple, free, and doable (and they work!).

   A related note for business owners or if you have to plan a lot of content in your work: Tracy Stanger has a Planning Your Year program that I did for 2023. One thing I love is that she has you input your down-time and personal commitments FIRST. We all know those can easily get kicked to the curb, so prioritizing them first then making the rest of your life fit around it is the kind of anti-hustle counter-culture messaging the world needs.

2. Believe in Boundaries

   We’ve all heard about the power of saying no by now, and if you’re burned out you have FULL permission to scale back your committments and expectations of yourself.

   When you feel like you’re treading water, tell yourself that staying afloat is enough.

   No need for any fancy swim strokes.

   In addition to saying no and taking pressure off of yourself, explore creating boundaries at your current job to mitigate additional stress (if possible!).

   I love this breakdown of 10 traits of an anti-burnout employee.

   If you work from home and feel like work just bleeds into all of your time, these simple strategies can help create both literal and metaphorical space between you and your work.

3. control what you can control

   Along those lines, what are the additional sources of stress in your life? There are plennnnty of stressors we have zero control over (hence my strong nudge to double down on the stress reducing coping strategies). But, which might you have some control over reducing?

   For example:

   A. Are you surrounded by negative people – otherwise known as energy vampires – and is there room to distance yourself from them? Here are 6 strategies to protect your energy.

   B. Do you feel exhausted every time the alarm goes off in the morning and if so, is there any wiggle room in your control to go to bed earlier? Create a wind down routine to help “land the plane” of your brain before bed? Here are other reasons why you may be so tired (and what to do about it).

   C.  Are you stress-scrolling and spending time (the same time you feel like you don’t have enough of!) getting sucked into a comparison trap on social media? Here are some free resources to create more screen life balance.

4. know, and keep coming back to, your why

   What is driving you to make a change?

   What kind of impact would it have to stay where you are and not put energy towards this new role?

   If you land what you’re looking for - how will life look differently for you / your family / your friends?

   Being clear about these answwers and having these bigger picture drivers in mind can help you keep perspective and stay resilient through the process.

I hope these strategies serve you in restoring and protecting your energy, so you can land work you love!

Simple but Powerful Practices to Create Boundaries Between Work and Home

Does the term quiet quitting make you want to roll your eyes at this point?

I get it – but it’s amazing to see the narrative shifting and employees pushing back on previous paces of work that are not sustainable.

The best thing I’ve seen about quiet quitting was the following tweet:

The last few years have created opportunities for many people to reevaluate their values. What matters to them. What they want their work to mean – or not mean – to them in their lives.

You can love what you do and work in a healthy culture and still prioritize creating healthy boundaries to not let work interfere with doing the other things that matter to you.

What has been particularly refreshing for me is that companies are reaching out to me to teach their employees how to prevent, or recover from, employee burnout.

My most popular corporate wellness workshop has been my “Power Down, Level Up: How to Create a Healthier Relationship with Your Phone to Improve Your Life.” In this corporate wellness program, in addition to all the tech tips and tricks for disconnecting from our phones, I also share strategies for separating work from home.

These are not mutually exclusive, as often we check work email on our phone, but zooming out on how we think about our workday and delineating between being “on the clock” and off is also important… especially since the lines have become much more blurred with the increase in working from home.

Here are more ideas for creating those sparkling boundaries:

• Set an automated “out of office” email for the weekends to counter the culture of always being available. Still in the habit of checking emails on nights/weekends? If you’re the kind of person that feels you need to respond right away or you’ll forget, you can reply to the email at night/the weekend but schedule it to only send during normal business hours.

• Bookend your day with a calming ritual. Work tends to bleed into times in our schedule that used to be protected as we WFH more. If possible, block off your calendar first thing in the morning (just like when you used to commute to the office and not be available for a call!). Do something grounding to set the tone for your nervous system for the day. Similarly, end your day with a clear signal of “leaving” work – even if it’s just a walk around the block. It does wonders for making the transition in your mind.

• Establish a designated workspace in your home (aka no laptop in bed or wherever you relax). This helps your brain stop associating every corner of your home with work. If you have trouble sleeping but work in your bedroom/bed, this is for you! If you want bonus points, set a cut-off time for work, and shut down (gasp!) your computer and put it out of sight.

• If you tend to set a boundary, but then not hold it, get an accountability buddy and/or set alarms with yourself to check in on how you’re doing with implementing the strategies you’ve picked.

• Eat lunch away from your desk/phone/computer. No more sad desk salads. Food is one of the greatest joys we can experience in this life (no? just my foodie opinion?) but apart from that, we’re not meant to be tethered to our desks for 8 hours/day. I listened to a fascinating podcast by Dr Huberman and he speaks to ultradian cycles when prepping a new workshop “Retraining Our Brains and Attention Spans” for a Boston corporate wellness client. The takeaway is this: our brains actually max out at 90 minute work cycles - and even that length is a stretch for our focus at first. Whether you want to nerd out on the science or not, it’s there, and it says you’re more productive if you walk away and take that break.  

• If you need boundaries between yourself and people, here’s a post I wrote on 6 Strategies to protect your energy around negative people

There are plenty of other strategies I recommend in my 1-1 coaching and workshops, but sometimes less is more so I’ll leave you with these.

If you want to try one and/or you already have something that you know helps but you’ve fallen out of the habit, I can’t recommend the book Atomic Habits by James Clear enough!

What’s your favorite way to separate work and home? What boundaries have you created that have created more harmony in your life?

Texting and Typing a lot? Simple Stretches to Show Your Wrists Some Love

International Day of Yoga was in June, and what better way to celebrate than with moving our bodies.

We know the importance and benefits of keeping active and maintaining joint mobility, but most of us don’t pay attention to how tiny repetitive movements impact our physical health.

Most of us spend hours every day texting and typing, but how often do we take care of our wrists which bear the brunt of those movements?

Practicing small exercises daily can improve your wrist mobility, ease tension, and prevent future injuries. This short but effective video shows you some simple stretches you can do anywhere, any time.

I often teach micro-movement breaks like this at companies (it’s especially a welcome pause during a long all-hands or off-site meeting!). It’s a joy to show employees how accessible taking care of our bodies can be, even in a full workday.

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A post shared by Career Coach+Wellness Speaker (@aspirewithaileen)

Let me know if you have any questions!

If you’d like more simple ways of counteracting the aches and pains that come with sitting and stress, you can grab my complimentary guide here.

Job Search Stress... and How to Effectively Manage It!

April was Stress Awareness Month, but around here we talk about managing stress on a regular basis!

I hope you enjoy this conversation and get what you need to reduce stress and land work you love!

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A post shared by Becca Carnahan | Career Coach (@with_love_becca)

One major contributor to stress for many people is their jobs (where we spend about 1/3 of our lives).

For some, the job search process itself is one of the most challenging experiences they have in their professional world.

The stress can arise from any number of parts of the process, and manifests in several ways. I’m guessing that if you’ve ever been on a job search, at any time in your life, you know the stress that it can bring!

These are some of the most common questions I have seen stress out job seekers:

• What do I want to do in my career / what kind of job do I want?

• What type of organization will have a culture that aligns with my interests and needs?

• What am I qualified for?

• What do I even write on my resume?

• Do I need a cover letter?

• How do I actually spend my time in my job search and what do I need to do to hear back from employers?

• How do I connect my experiences and relay it clearly in an interview?

• When and how can I follow up with someone after interviewing?

• How do I negotiate the salary in an offer?

…and more!

When I work with clients, I not only help them with these tactical topics, but I make sure we address their overall stress management in life.

We explore how they can take care of themselves to have the energy and ability to execute on all of the components that make up a successful job search strategy.

I sat down (virtually!) with my wonderful colleague Becca Carnahan to talk about some of the ways to manage job search stress. It’s always such a joy to connect with my career coaching colleagues and see all of the ways that job seekers can get the support they need.