Aspire with Aileen Manifesto

In case you're new to my website, my manifesto is one of the best ways I know how to introduce myself. It encapsulates the three areas of my business (career counseling, health coaching, and yoga) and hopefully helps you get a sense of what perspective I bring to my work with my clients. 

I believe life is short, but the days are long if you’re not happy with what you’re doing or if you’re uncomfortable in your own skin.

I believe we hold more power over our paths than we typically imagine. Our original circumstances are certainly out of our control, but if we ask the right questions of ourselves, we often find that opportunities to ignite change are plentiful.  

I believe laughter and food are both medicine.

I believe that our breathing can be an amazing instrument of change.

When I wake up in the morning, my very first thought is how grateful I am for my health and how excited I am to be spending my day doing what I love. It breaks my heart knowing some people feel nothing but dread from the moment their alarm goes off until their head hits the pillow again.

I believe we often get in our own way, unintentionally, and that the power of human connection can be a magnificent force in helping us shift our perspective.

I believe in my mantra “To know even one life has breathed easier because you’ve lived- this is to have succeeded” (Ralph Waldo Emerson) and hope to help you breathe easier. 

Photo by Pure Style Photography

I couldn't find a way to incorporate my assistant, Buster, into my manifesto so I'm sharing a photo of him with me to make my introduction complete! (It may not look like it in this photo but I swear he loves me too.)

More on Analysis Paralysis

I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately about what I do. When I describe it, some people seem surprised to see a passion for both career and health coaching while others realize how interrelated the two are.

One commonality I've noticed is that in both areas, I see “analysis paralysis” because of a tendency to rely a lot on other people and sources for making decisions instead of turning inward.

I see this in career coaching when people ask everyone (including Google) to tell them what to do with their lives. They’re left with a million opinions that are all based on the values of the people giving the advice. Every person has a different perspective because of their differing values and that, coupled with using the interwebs to get advice, leads to lots of conflicting information and overwhelm. 

In health coaching, this shows up when my clients try to follow all of the latest diet and fitness trends. The recommendations from one source are typically the opposite from another (For example: Fat is your friend! Fat is the devil!) and can lead to instant confusion and frustration. While there's a lot of good information out there, a lot of it assumes that what worked for one person will work identically for another and ignores the important concept of bio-individuality. 

This makes sense when you think about how we’re typically taught about wellness –  we often eat the way our families or the government has told us to, based on their traditions or definitions of healthy. With exercise, many people stick with the sports that were required in school or the general guidelines given by medical providers or social media.

So, what do I recommend people do differently?

The answer in both cases is essentially the same:

Stop. Slow Down. Breathe. Turn Inward. 

In career coaching, I always advocate for people to make decisions based on their internal drivers. Specifically, using their VIPS (values, interests, personality, and skills) to guide them can increase their likelihood of being satisfied with their jobs. Many people come to me when they’re finally ready to do this. They admit that they've had a nagging feeling in their gut all along that something was off, but they just followed the advice or expectations others put upon them.

In health coaching, I help people learn how to quiet the noise and chaos of the wellness world. I share ways to pay attention to not only what they eat, but also the way they eat it, and how they feel afterwards. I also encourage them to find the type of movement they actually enjoy.

When people change things up and eat the foods they feel nourished by, and exercise in the ways that their individual body craves, they're much more likely to continue than when they just go through the motions of following what they've been told they're "supposed” to do.

This may sound so obvious, but can you think back on a time when you behaved differently than this? Maybe it’s still going on in some areas of your life today? 

These are just two examples of how I see people tune out what their intuition has to say about the career move that will make them happiest or the foods that actually make them feel good. By solely looking externally, people get so much more overwhelmed by all of the options available and that’s often what makes them too afraid to make changes or take any action.

I didn't know what graphic to use for this post, so this my best attempt at an "I'm thinking" photo. Image by Pure Style Photography

Though career and health coaching are indeed very different, in both areas I help people slow down, cut through all of the information overload, and see that it really can be as simple as turning inward to find the answers. It all comes back to asking the right questions and taking the time to do the work.

If you’re interested in learning more about either of these areas of coaching, reach out here for a free 30-minute consultation!

Simple Resume Writing Tips

Has it been a while since you last updated your resume? Or perhaps you want a quick "how-to" on approaching this thing that has potentially been on your to-do list for ages? Below is my attempt to succinctly share how to navigate this process. 

Overall Strategy/Approach 

1. Always, always, keep it updated

This one is hard to stick to, but so worth it if you do. If you haven’t and want to start now, go back and take a look at past performance reviews, your job description, or even your work calendar for the last few months (or years!) to jog your memory of not only what you do, but also what you’ve accomplished.

Similar to what I discuss in my cover letter guide (grab it at the bottom of the page!), some people get paralyzed by perfection. Start where you are instead of feeling like you need to have the most beautiful phrasing in the world. You can edit and refine later but begin by pretending you’re telling a friend what it is you do on a day to day basis, season to season. This simple exercise has helped hundreds of my clients move from a blank page to a full resume.

2. Don’t have someone else do the entire thing for you

I’m an advocate for asking for guidance on your resume, but having someone else put it all together for you is completely different. The ability to use your own voice to describe your experience is such a critical skill to have in your life. You know your story best, and employers will want to hear the version of the story they read in your application materials. Make it your own.

I’ve worked with clients who have to go back to the person they paid to write their resume every time they want to change it. For everything... even a tiny tweak in formatting or the use of one new word. You want to be able to make tailored versions of your resume for every application you have, and having to go to someone for this every time will slow things down (and out of pocket costs will go up!).

Getting tactical 

1. Looks matter      

There’s debate about how long employers spend actually reading your resume. It’s safe to assume if they’re feeling generous, the maximum amount of time you’ll get on a first read is 30 seconds. So, while it may sound shallow, the aesthetics of your resume really matter. If you give them any reason not to want to read it (it’s too busy, it’s too long, and so on) they just won’t. Along the same lines, think about the way we read (left to right, top to bottom) and use the prime real estate on your resume accordingly!

2. Top 3 rules to follow no matter what industry you're applying to

I could write 100 pages on resumes and still not cover everything. This is how I summarize the most important criteria for content to everyone, no matter their industry:

• Be results-oriented: say what you did AND why it matters

• Quantify when possible: Taught 450 elementary students vs. Taught students makes a big difference

• Use bullets and start them with strong and varied action verbs: paragraph format takes too long for employers to read + the thesaurus in MS Word is a goldmine

3. General Housekeeping:

• Your margins should NEVER be smaller than .5 on all sides (at the smallest!)

• Always send your resume as a PDF when possible

• Be mindful of the file name for your resume – If you accidentally apply to Starbucks with “My Dunkin Donuts Resume” it’s going in the trash. “Resume Version 284” isn’t the best look either.

• Use spellcheck, but have someone else (like me or a friend) take a look at it – asses and assess are both words, but you’re a lot more likely to use one of those on a resume over another!

I hope this helps you get started on updating your resume, which is often the hardest part. Next up is deciding what to include in a cover letter.

If you have questions or need help, as always I'm available for a free 30 minute consultation, and resume writing is one of my favorite things to help clients through (nerdy, but true).  If you’d like to take an even bigger picture look at what it’s like to work with a career coach, the linked post goes into a lot of depth on that as well. Good luck!

How to Fit Your Full-Time Job Search into Your Full-Time Life

“Looking for a job is like a full-time job!” 

... says every job seeker ever. Whether this expectation is present when going into the process or not, the amount of time and energy needed to land a new position is often still surprising. For people who hold full-time jobs already, finding extra time for job-seeking in an already packed day can be a true challenge. This doesn't mean unemployed people have it easy; they can become overwhelmed by having too many options and not enough structure or guidance on how to focus their energy.  If either of these scenarios resonates with you, here are some tips for organizing and fitting your efforts into your schedule, no matter what it looks like.

Set Goals

This is the foundation. Submitting applications and never hearing back, sending thank you emails after interviewing and receiving cryptic replies, or refreshing your inbox every few minutes to find out whether or not you have been selected can certainly make you feel helpless. On the flip side, setting continuous goals and taking proactive steps to reach them can lead to feeling energized and, most importantly, empowered. The more you operate from this position of strength when searching, the more motivated you'll be to take time to do the work.

Use a two-pronged approach to determine what kind of goals to set: proactive and reactive.

Proactive goals include researching new companies to add to your target list and sending out informational interview requests.  Reactive goals include applying to vacant positions that are already being publicly advertised. The overarching guideline for both of these is quality over quantity. Instead of applying to a job you are not really interested in just to go through the motions, find someone with a background similar to yours at a company you admire and learn from him or her about the hiring process. You'll get more out of that conversation than you will from any application you submit when your heart isn't in it, as your passion (or lack thereof) will be evident in either scenario.

Prioritize Where You Spend Your Energy

This is similar to goal setting but relates to the bigger picture of assessing when you'll be able to do this work. If step one is clarifying your goals, step two is taking a realistic look at opportunities to introduce tiny shifts in your routine to make space for progressing forward. To keep yourself from getting overwhelmed, start by looking at one week at a time. If that feels like too much, try just two days and then build from there.

First, write down all of your responsibilities for that duration of time. Place meetings/appointments on the days they are scheduled, but then plug in your other responsibilities including everything from meal preparation to the job-search goals you want to achieve.

This kind of prioritization sounds so simple, perhaps even obvious, but many people don't spend time on these little actions, or they write things down but never look at them again. The result is decreased productivity and increased frustration. People typically in this culture of “busy” look at one day, one hour, or one task at a time without considering the landscape of the rest of the upcoming days. The days and responsibilities can swiftly get away from anyone.

For example, you may set a goal to craft and submit an application “this week,” but then you work late two nights, have a commitment another evening, and spend one night cooking meals, and suddenly you're left with one weeknight to complete your entire application.

If you put that pressure on yourself to get everything done in one sitting, you risk setting yourself up for failure.

Applications can take longer than anticipated, whether due to writer’s block or more documents and forms to complete than assumed. Leave space for multiple drafts, edits, and opportunities to walk away and return with fresh eyes. It may seem like you're spending more time overall on the application, but in reality, you're just dividing your efforts differently and giving yourself a chance to bring more attention to the process.

To make space for this, find the non-negotiables of your schedule (such as childcare, train times, or standing appointments) and decide where, outside of those, you can create buckets of time for yourself in 30-to-60-minute increments throughout the week.

Next, add those to your calendar just like any of your other standing appointments. Then...

Show Up for Yourself!

Do you notice that the busier you are, the harder it is to commit to your self-care activities?

Finding a job that gratifies you is a form of self-care.

The more responsibilities you have on your plate, the more likely it is that these seemingly “non-mandatory” activities will continue to be delayed. Just like you avoid being a no-show for a meeting with a friend or a doctor’s appointment, honor the commitment you make to yourself and your goals in the same way.

If you need help holding yourself accountable, ask for help!

Reach out to a friend or family member for - the simple act of sharing your goals with others will facilitate a deeper sense of obligation to seeing them through. Working with a career coach can help you be held accountable, too!

Remember that you have more power over the process than you think, and that there are many people who will be happy to support you on your journey. 

My content and the first photo were originally shared on SharpHeels.com: Prioritizing a Job Search

Common Health Coaching Myths Debunked

Below are the most common myths and doubts I’ve seen arise when talking with people about health coaching. Have you ever thought any of these yourself?

They’re going to make you eat all kale all the time

This is a big and very common misconception, and brings up another common assumption…

They only eat all things kale all the time

True story, two of my favorite things in this world are cookies (this recipe in particular, and it gets made at least a few times/month in my home) and martinis (extra dirty, up, dry, and preferably with stuffed olives, to be precise).

I completely understand both of these myths, because before I got on the healthy train I assumed the same of anyone in the wellness world. In reality, there are people like that. My approach though, and what I hope my clients aim to achieve, is a life of balance.

I recently told a client that if he went to Italy and didn’t eat the pasta or gelato that he wanted, only because he thought it was “bad” if he did, that I’d have some choice words for him.

Health coaching is about helping you figure out what foods and habits make YOU feel your best, and knowing when eating or doing things that don’t serve you are worth it (see: my client in Italy). It’s about progress not perfection. It’s about making small but impactful changes to create habits that will stick around. It’s not about counting calories, jumping on the latest diet trend, or just eating something because you hear it’s the new superfood.     

They don’t struggle with any health/wellness concerns themselves

Erroneous on both accounts!

One of the things that makes health coaches good at what they do is that they understand where you’re coming from because they’ve either gone through or still do struggle over the same things as you. This empathy makes the coaching relationship that much stronger, and it usually means they have that much more of an understanding of where you’re coming from and how to help. Perhaps something that they’ve tried will work for you!

They’ll judge your weight or your lifestyle habits

If they do, then they’re not doing their job. Similar to what I just mentioned, many coaches have been exactly where you are and the reason they’re in this field is because they want to use that understanding to help others get unstuck and make changes to feel happier and healthier too.

They don’t believe in Western medicine

My grandfather, father, twin brother, father-in-law and sister-in-law: all Medical Doctors. My grandmother and sister: both work in hospitals. My mother, mother-in-law, and older brother: all in the nursing field. I’d be kicked out of the family if I didn’t believe. In all seriousness, integrative nutrition is a means to supplement Western medicine and to get to the underlying root causes of diseases like diabetes and high blood pressure. My husband used to be on 2 different medications for his high blood pressure, and I never told him to stop taking them. After introducing yoga and more veggies into his world though, he’s no longer on any medication.

They’re too expensive for you to afford

The rates for health coaches vary greatly, but it’s often cheaper than people anticipate, especially when you compare it to the price of potential medical costs if you don’t take care of yourself. I encourage people to think about it as an investment in themselves.

We're so quick to spend in other areas of our lives (iPhones, gifts for others, new clothes/shoes, going out to eat or buying overpriced take-out meals, expensive beauty products, you name it) but we often hesitate when it comes to spending money on the things that really matter. 

What's truly more important than investing in your own health and wellness?

They won’t be able to help you

Of course, there are no guarantees in life. But typically, if you go into the process with both an open-mind and a commitment to actually showing up for yourself and doing the work, then you WILL see results. How often do you spend 60 minutes talking about yourself with someone who is truly, enthusiastically listening? Often times, the simple act of slowing down and being in a safe space to just talk about what’s going on in your life can be healing in and of itself.

If you’re interested in figuring out what exactly health coaching in the workplace is, or are curious about how we could work together, reach out for a complimentary 30-minute consultation! We’ll chat about what’s going on in your world, what concerns you have, and how I may be able to help.

You Can Talk Yourself Into or Out of Anything

When I was deciding whether or not to quit my job to scale up my business full-time, my friend and fellow coach Stephanie said something so beautiful and incredibly helpful:

For a decision like this you’ll be able to talk yourself into it or out of it a million times over. So, you want to get out of your own way. Give it up and ask for guidance. Set the intention to be guided to the right decision and then commit to actually listening to your intuition and not second guessing it.

Fear isn’t a sign that it’s the wrong decision. Fear is healthy.

The answer is already inside of you and you just need to slow down, let go, and listen for it. Then act on it.

The reminder that my gut already knew what to do, and the comforting insight that fear is not a bad thing, were exactly what I needed to finally get out of my own way and move forward with Aspire with Aileen.

When I work with both my career and health coaching clients, I truly believe that they too have the answers inside of them, they just need some space and guidance to find them.

On the career side, clients will come to me with the hope that I will just tell them which careers to go for (I don’t blame them, when I decided my SENIOR year of college that I didn’t want to pursue what I’d studied for 4 years, I wanted someone to do the same!). On the surface that doesn’t seem too outrageous, but when you think about the fact that you would trust a stranger over yourself for your life’s direction, that’s a pretty big deal!

For health coaching, clients want meal plans handed to them and to know which foods are “good” and “bad,” but ultimately even something as healthy as broccoli can be nourishing for one person and harmful for another. We instinctively know what foods and habits will serve us best, but don’t always take the time to slow down and listen or make changes.

There are a variety of reasons why we avoid taking action. At times, it’s because there aren’t obvious answers to these decisions/challenges. In these situations, how can you take action?

Similar to what Stephanie said, start by turning inward.

When it comes to career exploration, I encourage clients to explore their VIPS: Values, Interests, Personality, and Skills (more on this later when I release my self-assessment guide- stay tuned!). Use this framework to get clarity on what your drivers are, and how realistic the paths you’re exploring are as well. There are TONS of free online questionnaires and assessments to prompt you into delving deeper into these, but here’s one site that touches on a handful.

As for the healthy foods and habits exploration, start by taking stock of what you already do.

Try keeping a food journal for even just a few days – you’d be amazed by how much that can illuminate for you especially if you track how you feel physically after each meal. You may even notice you only drink one glass of water per day, a habit that is definitely important to change. When I have my initial consult with clients, I ask about everything from that water intake to how many times a day they check their email.  From there, we build awareness of what foods and habits may be interfering with their wellbeing and create a plan to make lasting change. Sounds much better than just being told to eat kale, right?

Another thing you can do is poll the audience*

This has an * because in the end, you know yourself best. If you really want something, don’t rely on validation from others to feel you have the permission to go for it. Sometimes, however, we’re so immersed in our own ways of thinking that it can be helpful when others give us their perspective. Talking with friends and family may bring up insights like “You haven’t sounded excited about your work in months…” or “Every time you talk about xyz your face just lights up!”

Notice your reaction to any input from others.

Even more telling than what they say can be how you react. That’s because you know deep down in your gut what’s best for you and your gut will chime in if you’re being steered in a different direction.

If you’re dissatisfied in your work and thinking of making a change and someone were to say “No way, you’re crazy for even thinking of leaving that job” – Do you feel disappointed? Does your stomach sink? You may find clues to what you really want by looking at how you feel when someone tells you that you can or can’t have it. 

Ask for help

One other option is continuing to have conversations, but with an unbiased party (like a therapist, health or career coach!). This can provide a safe space to really be heard without expectations or judgment. By the end of some of our sessions, I’ve had clients say “After talking through things a bit more and thinking out loud with you, I think I may have just answered my own question.”

These conversations, no matter who you decide to have them with (including with just yourself!), provide you with the space to step back, slow down, and evaluate your options to get to a place of confidence and clarity.

What decisions have you been grappling with and which of these tools can you implement to move forward?

In the image above, the words are an excerpt from a quote by Victoria Erickson. Full quote and link to her work here. 

The Top 8 Mistakes Job Seekers Make and How to Recover from Them

The job-search process can often leave candidates feeling frustrated and powerless. Not being selected or never hearing back from employers after submitting applications can only exacerbate these feelings.

Discovering that you’ve been doing something “wrong” can actually be good news.

It means there’s room to improve the process and yield different results. If you’re doing everything perfectly and still not making any headway in your search, it would be much more frustrating.

These are the eight common mistakes I've seen job seekers make over the last 10 years of being a career coach. If any of these sound like you, modify your approach and you’ll notice the difference!

1) You spend all of your time applying to jobs posted online or waiting for things to open.

While it’s a necessary step in the process, many jobs that are posted are actually either already filled (HR has a legal obligation to post) or nearly filled (the employer already has someone in mind). There are times when you might apply to something randomly and be hired, but up to 85% of jobs are offered to people with a pre-existing connection to the hiring organization. 

To increase your network, schedule informational interviews with people at the companies where you want to work. These individuals can alert you to future job openings, and perhaps even allow you to mention their names in your cover letter, which will make your application stand out in the stack of résumés.

2) You don’t manage your time efficiently or know how to spend your energy.

Whether you’re balancing a job search while holding another job or if searching for work is your full-time focus, this is challenging! I can’t tell you how many times this scenario rings true for my clients: You sit down in front of your computer thinking, “Okay here we go, job search time!” and then three hours and 30 open browser tabs later you are left questioning what you’ve accomplished. Maybe you started with clicking a link for an open position, which led you to look up the company on LinkedIn, which led you to click on an employee profile to learn more, which brought you to another company page, which…. you get the point. The remedy for this related to mistake #3…

3) You don’t set goals.

I’m a big advocate for goal setting in both personal and professional matters (you might have guessed by the name Aspire!). The job search process is enough of an overwhelming black hole on its own, and failing to concretize what you want to accomplish only exacerbates that sensation. Life happens, so even if you plan to send three informational interview requests in one week and you only get to two, it’s still a step forward. Be proactive in planning what deliverables you want to achieve and you’ll be more likely to get there!

4) You don’t hold yourself accountable.

But Aileen, you just said life happens!?! Yes, it does. There’s a difference, however, between when something major comes up or you misjudge how long a task will take versus just making excuses. Create structure and show up for yourself in the same way you’d show up for others because if you don’t prioritize your success why will anyone else?

5) You don’t customize or perfect your application materials.

This may sound dramatic but I’d rather see someone apply to 0 jobs (and focus on networking) than submit 30 applications that aren’t tailored for the employer/role specifically… that’s how strongly I believe in the power of thoughtfully reframing your experience every time. You may be wondering how to know what language will resonate with the employer—the answers lie in the job description, the company website, and in what you hear from people who work there.  It may not be realistic to speak with someone before every application, but do these three things:

• Pick apart the post and look for themes

• Comb through the website extensively to find additional terminology

• Read a few LinkedIn profiles of people working there (bonus points if they’ve had the job you’re applying for!). Use all of this information to customize your cover letter and résumé for that particular employer.

6) You submit materials with errors or typos.

Perhaps you recycled some language from one cover letter to another and forgot to change the company name, or maybe you said fiancé instead of finance and spellcheck didn’t warn you. No one submits typos on purpose, and no one thinks it’ll ever be them, so to keep that the case, here are some pointers:

Print out what you’ve written and read it aloud in advance - this will help with words that spellcheck doesn’t catch!

Have someone else (a mentor, friend, or me!) take a peek for you since you know what you’re trying to say and your brain may skip over the details.

 

7) You don’t prepare for interviews properly.

This usually happens more by accident than because of a lack of effort. Maybe you thought you were going to have a casual conversation and then all of a sudden you’re getting grilled. Maybe you planned for a certain line of questioning and then what you’re presented with is completely different.

Whatever the case may be, there is nothing worse than that sinking feeling in your gut when you feel the conversation slipping away from you. I have another post completely dedicated to interviewing tips, but my abbreviated tips to prevent the conversation from slipping away from you are:

1. Research, research, and then research some more.

2. Remember that there is a reason you’re being interviewed. Study all of the materials you submitted and be able to explain them in greater detail.

3. Prepare questions for your interviewers in advance that are thoughtful and showcase all of the research you’ve done.

8) You don’t know what you want.

Whoa. What?! Yep, this one’s the doozy. To clarify, it isn’t a mistake not to know what you want, but it makes your job search much more difficult. There are a variety of reasons why you may be uncertain of your next step, but if you’re not convinced that you genuinely want to work somewhere, it will show in your application materials and in how you come across in your interviews.

Check in with yourself.

If you’re reading a job description and you feel that it would be difficult to write a cover letter for the position, you’re either not excited or not qualified (or both). If you assess what you want and apply for roles that align with your goals, you’ll be more energized and excited about the opportunity and that passion will shine in your writing and in your interview.

Hopefully being aware of these common job-seeking mistakes, and how to avoid them, will help you see more progress in your job search. If you need that extra pair of eyes on your applications, help creating and being held accountable to goals, or guidance towards figuring out what you really want to do, request your free career consultation with me today!

My content and this photo were originally shared on SharpHeels.com: Job Seeking Missteps

Show Up for Yourself

Disclaimer: what I’m about to share is not one of my proudest moments.

I was rushing from work to get to yoga class and the roads on Google Maps were the shade of red you’d see in a horror movie trailer. Not pretty.

Class started in 10 minutes and the ETA on the GPS said I’d arrive to the parking lot in 16.

I wasn’t just taking the yoga class, I was the assistant for it as part of my 200-hour Yoga Teacher Training certification. For any non-yogi’s reading, assisting a class basically means helping students with proper alignment and also being a calming presence.

So, when someone aggressively cut me off (I live in Boston, so you expect this to happen at least once per commute) I not only laid on my horn, I also flipped them off.

Did I mention this wasn’t my finest moment?

Some of the countless reasons this is entertaining:

1. I’m 5’2” – I’m not intimidating anyone

2. The windows in our used car are extremely tinted, which means no one can even really see me

As I realized the absurdity of this reactive response, and the level of irony involved given I was on my way to help people connect more deeply to yoga, I had to laugh to myself (if anyone actually could see inside of the car, yes, this did made me look even crazier).

It was clear that I could use a little more yoga myself.

At the time, I was seeing clients for my recently launched private career counseling practice, working on my 200-hour yoga teacher training, studying over 100 dietary theories at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition to become a health coach, managing having an adorable new golden retriever puppy, and in the busy season of my full-time job at Tufts University.

Each of these activities were aligned with my mission to help others live happier and healthier lives, but in reality, my own life was as out of balance as it had ever been. It was a great reminder of an analogy that’s often used in this realm:

You have to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others.

Without giving myself space to breathe and refill my own tank, I was setting myself up to be less present with my clients and less focused on the trainings I was receiving. And in hindsight, there were a lot of other red flags. I was cooking less and the food choices I was making were impacting my energy levels and skipping my own workouts and yoga practice that make me feel more centered. I was also a little less patient with my husband around caring for our puppy.

I often remind my own clients and friends that you can do a lot, but not necessarily do it all as well as possible if you don’t take time to recharge. In this moment, sitting in my car, I realized I needed to practice what I preached. In the days and weeks following, when getting back into my routines, I reflected on what got me off track in the first place: my mindset.

I felt like my plate was so full that I could only focus on the things I needed to get done. Facing a growing to-do list, taking time away to do something unrelated seemed counterproductive to me. Luckily, there’s a growing body of research around the benefits of breaks which can serve as a reminder of the ultimate lesson (one that I know I constantly need to relearn!):  

Self-care is not selfish.

It also doesn’t have to be anything monumental. For me, it was giving myself permission to take the time to meal plan and to go to a few yoga classes a week, even if it meant my first blog post would take longer to publish. Sometimes, it can be as little as standing up at your desk and stretching, even if only for a minute, a few times a day. It can be remembering to drink enough water or pausing here and there just to breathe.

As you head into the rest of your week, here are some things to reflect on to help you remember to show up for yourself, too:

• Have you had any not-your-finest moments lately? Do they teach you anything about what you might be needing?

• What does self-care look like for you?

• What interferes with your ability to do the things that restore you?

• What little actions or habits can you do to take better care of yourself, so you can be more present in your personal and professional life?

My puppy Buster has grown up to be a very helpful assistant and takes his role very seriously.

P.S.

If you’d like a little help focusing on self-care, I have an event coming up in just a few weeks! Fellow health coach and yoga enthusiast Stephanie and I are hosting "Yoga and Meditation for Self-Love" on March 5th at Vega Vitality in Boston. For more details and registration, see my events page. 

How to Get Unstuck

Do you ever notice that sometimes the things that are of greatest importance to us are also the things we put off the most?

Here are some examples:

• Maybe it started in school: that 15-page research paper that’s worth 35% of your grade (or that personal statement for grad school) that you leave until the night before it's due

• It continues in the workplace:  settling in a job you don’t love because deciding what the ideal next step is for you along your career path feels too hard to take on

• In relationships:  avoiding having that difficult talk with someone you’re close to that you know will make your relationship stronger

• And finally, in our wellness: getting into an exercise routine or tackling why you’ve had no energy to do so

For me, I saw this crop up when trying to start this blog. While blogging isn’t the center of my professional world, it’s part of my business and the success of that is important to me. Yet, I hit the snooze button on this for… about a year now.

Why has this been staring at me in the face on my to-do list for months only to continually get shuffled around and added to different agendas? Or, perhaps the more important question is:

why do we self-sabotage so often?

Many of the examples above are ways of delaying the inevitable - dragging things out that we know in our gut we’ll have to deal with eventually. After working with many clients who’ve felt “stuck” in their career or health for months, or even years, before taking action, I have some ideas for both why this happens and how to change it:

We’re busy

An obvious answer, but take a moment to think about the culture around you. Busy is expected and praised. When someone asks you how you’ve been, I invite you to notice how often your reply includes “Busy, but...” I’ll do another post all about the glorification of busy, but for now my point is that we’re so accustomed to filling our schedules to the brim that it seems like we don’t have room to do these things that require extra energy, time, effort, and maybe even a little discomfort.

We don’t set goals

I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but there’s lots of research showing you’re a bazillion* times more likely to achieve something if you set concrete and measurable goals (*slight statistic exaggeration). We know this, yet we still don’t do this or perhaps only do it on January 1st and barely look back. What keeps you from setting, or checking in on, goals? Is it too hard to concretize them or remember to come back to them? Are you afraid you just won’t meet them?

We’re afraid, overwhelmed, or paralyzed by perfectionism

When I get down to the root cause with my career and health coaching clients, it’s often actually because of one of these reasons. Thoughts, loaded with self-doubt, like “What if no one will want to hire me?” or “What if I’ll never be able to lose weight?” can be paralyzing.  What type of negative self-talk goes on in your brain and how do you let your fear talk you out of taking action?

Whatever the reason for interference, how can we break this habit of procrastination and work towards our goals in a more proactive way to live more satisfying lives? The answer is actually quite simple.

Start talking. 

It can be that easy.

Share your aspirations with your friends and family (or start with yourself by answering the questions I asked earlier- what do you want to do and what’s getting in your way?). That simple action, first and foremost, makes it all much more real. The process of talking through things can spark new ideas, help you visualize what you’re really trying to achieve, and at the least will be a way to have some accountability. If someone follows up with you to ask how you’re doing on _____, you’ll feel more of a commitment to follow through.

Marie Forleo sums it up well when she emphasizes the importance of progress, not perfection. Even if you realize you need to completely change your approach, trying is the only way of knowing and nothing will ever get done without taking that first step.

Hope this helps you to feel a little less stuck, and able to start tackling whatever may be lurking on your perpetual to-do list!

Pure Style Photography

P.S.

If you’re looking for someone to help you both set and work consistently on your career and/or wellness related goals, feel free to reach out for a complimentary consultation! I’m passionate about helping people move forward in their lives. I’m a career coach who helps clients find jobs they love, and corporate wellness speaker who helps companies teach employees sustainable ways to feel healthier.

I joined these two services into a single practice, knowing that often, when we feel stuck in one area of our lives we very likely feel stuck in other ways too.

With a one-on-one tailored approach, I’ve worked with thousands of people to help them achieve their personal and professional goals. Stay tuned on here for posts where I’ll share recipes, healthy life hacks, and job search and career management advice from my 10 years in this field.